Diesel Toddler
Diesel Toddler
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US $9.99
WUTHERING HEIGHTS OF 2009
WUTHERING HEIGHTS OF 2009
In many ways year 2009 was a year of dizzying heights , be it economic recession , technical sophistication , record breaking achievements in sports , change in students’ curricula etc..Here are some of them:
Height of Academic Methodism:
Syllabus of English for Toddlers’ school:
1ST term examination: Capital Letters A to K
2nd term examination: Capital Letters L to N
3rd term examination: Capital Letters O to Z
A toddler student Pappoo couldn’t complete the 1st term exam in stipulated time as the question paper was lengthy. Before the 2nd term examination pappoo took special training for writing fast. In the 2nd term examination Pappoo took extra sheets.
Height of Spinning the ball:
Shane Warne bowls and the ball is about to drop far wide of the leg stump. Siddhu shouts,”Must be a wide!”
Ian Chappell snatches away the microphone, “Don’t you talk like a lay man Sids! I have known Warne ,see the ball will spin back to the middle stump.”
Both watch eagerly. The ball spins back like a cobra.
Siddhu jumps in ecstasy, “What did I say Mr. Chappell?”
As Chappell watches with his mouth wide open, the ball spins from far out of leg to far out of the off stump. The umpire signals a wide.
Another encounter between Chappell and Siddhu:
Muttaiah Muralitharan bowls far outside the off stump. As the ball is about to drop, Chappell says,”This delivery, I must say , will fetch Murali a wicket.”
Siddhu says , “I don’t think so.”
The ball drops far out of the off stump , spins back to the middle stump and the batsman is clean bowled.
But the umpire surprisingly says ,“No.”
Siddhu says , “Mr. Chappell ,even though Muttaiah spun the ball extra ordinarily , he didn’t spin his arms as much. It was a chucker.
Height of discouragement:
A sumo wrestler works hard on his figure. After living on only fruits and vegetables for a week and exercising rigorously he goes to his friend and says , “Please comment on my figure. I am dying to listen from you.”
Friend: “You still lack trunk and tusks.”
Height of adventurism:
The adventure sportsman jumps from the aeroplane and regrets about the parachute , “Shit ! it opened.”
Height of Poverty:
The poor old pauper has only a 6feet by 6 feet room in a remote village. He writes his will.
“All the air in my room will be divided in seven equal parts. Each of my seven sons will get a part. Nobody is allowed to breathe in other’s part.”
Height of opportunism:
The fierce fencing battle between the lame and the blind ended with the blind losing the game and his head.
Reason: The lame beheaded the blind as the blind lost attention absorbing the instructions which came from his coach in Braille code.
Height of Women Empowerment:
In 2009 women empowerment issue got its due importance. A presidential ordinance read thus: ALL THE MEN WILL BE REPLACED BY WOMEN IN CARTOONS AND COMICS.FOR EXAMPLE IT WILL BE LIKE BAT WOMAN, HE WOMAN, SPIDER WOMAN, SUPER WOMAN, WOLF WOMAN etc.
Height of false claims:
The statement of space research department of a country:”We are on the verge of designing a rocket which will reach stars outside our solar system and once we acquire a screw driver in our tool kit we will certainly achieve it very soon.”
Heights of Technical Advancements in 2009:
G8 countries decided to launch 8G mobile services
Spiders left their outdated cobwebs to dwell in www
Robot researchers possessing artificial intelligence were on the verge of a breakthrough in deciphering the code of the grey matter, the source of all natural intelligence.
Height of fight for right:
Robots tried hard to get their machine language accepted as the national language of a country.
The leader robot shouts in a procession , “ZERO ONE ZERO ONE ONE ONE ONE ONE ZERO ZERO”
And all robots shout in unison ,” ZERO ONE ZERO ONE ONE ONE ONE ONE ZERO ZERO”
Height of popularity at box office:
Smitha said ,”I had hard time suppressing my laughter when I persuaded my friend to postpone till Jan 2013 , receiving back his sum of Rs 5 crore from me which I had indebted from him in Jan , 2008 .”
Remember that date? 21st December , 2012?Wathced the movie?
Heights of economic recession in 2009:
Price of mangoes- one kg per kg.
Got it?
One kg of mangoes for one kg of Rs 100 notes.Wow! must be Alphanso
Fruits which were popular during recession-
Pomegranate-You don’t waste seeds like in other fruits.
Banana-A multipurpose fruit , eat the flesh , use the cover to make your enemies slip and fall.
Coconut
Eat
Drink
Use the fibres for fire
Use hard cover to strike down your enemies
During a bank robbery , the robber screams ,”Queue up you fools! I can’t afford to kill you one by one using so many bullets in this recession.”
A government officer says , “Don’t try to bribe me with money ..” Then he stops awhile and completes, “ give me potatoes , onions , pumpkins , rice , butter , diesel , petrol ….”
About the Author
The writer is a telecom professional and likes to write advice articles,short stories,humour,articles on technology ,sci-fi,success stories etc.
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